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I don't know what to do. - Hiroka's Magik Wonderland [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I don't know what to do. [Jun. 4th, 2014|08:48 pm]
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[Current Mood |tense]

if it weren't for the fear of someone thinking I'd done something to my nieces I'd kill myself over all this stress.

My bro-in-law molested multiple nieces, and autistic nephew, and his children, two+dead babies

I want to not know this shit. I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT!

I was stressed knowing I've failed my friend getting her moved, and now I feel like I stole from her, and there's no way to come back for a second try because my livelihood is all in shambles. as CPS threatened to take the kids, and I will be dead before they show up to ever take them from my family.

I should have shot him like I should have shot her Ex. she is a Horrible person, and a horrid joke of a mother.

If he gets off this without a hand slap I'm going to post his name all over the county followed by pedophile. that man has a insidiousness that rivals any horror movie prospect.

And I can't even leave with my stuff because someone won't just say "okay" or "Yes".

Why did I marry someone with all the right things, and life, and worth a chance at me living on to continue. just to be shortchanged at this.

So I've been full on anxiety. massive triggers laying out snapping my reactions, and worst of all what I do to myself. I keep feeling varicose veins popping out of my skin, and I complete full swings at my left forearm which is recovering till today's episode. Now re-bruised.

When I can neutralize the thoughts. I get curious if I'll be suffering on into late life with damaged vessels, and compressed bone fragments.

Why can't I just leave, and give up on this family of dense drama, and disregard for ones self.

I want to avoid it. why don't they?