|I've had it.
||[Mar. 20th, 2014|01:56 am]
I can't take anymore from my family without a pause. I swear I'll need to leave this place soon if I don't I'll set something on fire or on the positive side. Sell all I can to run off for a few months. I can't live with them saying no to all the plans they said yes to. stopping me from doing the steps of making these things that will work for me. I am trapped here doing JUST WHAT THEY SAY TO DO. I can't cut myself. I can't kill myself. I just don't have it in me anymore. I am in this spot where neither helping not hindering will make me feel better. they're just fucking anti-cooperative. I know feel like I shouldn't feel like the Victim of the assaults, and strangling. I should have let them happen, and just been dead after. As if they'd have had anything better to do.
My mom has begun acting just like her mother. her dreams for this farm, and my dad's asshole nature have made this place worthless. all this stuff. all the energy, and plans. and ALL I'M WORTH is saying NO to.
No. No. Wait, But, can't you, didn't you, you're forgetting, You better ask.., and so on, and so on, and So ON!
All these DEFEATING STATEMENTS
She even bought us a Trailer, and It's not allowed to me done anything with, and we're not allowed to go into it. cause it's ... WHATEVER!
I would love to just go stay with someone, but the drawback is I'd not be useful.
I need to leave, camp or something. Found this nice cottage in NM, but it'd be crazy to think they'd give me the money. I need to take my seeds, and my go-bag, and leave. I just need to know what to do about Kate. she's not going to go on a multi-month excursion. She's got problems. I need some mental health help, and my social security Disability has been sent back again. I even lost my lawyer.
Not looking for hope. just looking for relief.