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back to screaming - Hiroka's Magik Wonderland [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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back to screaming [Nov. 6th, 2013|04:03 am]
It's been a hope that I could turn things around on my own, and with some help from my love, and purhaps pursue the option of transition my friend had offered.

I'm sitting here with screaming neck pain, and back ache, and pinching breaths..

I'm not alright, and nothing anyone can do will help. money always helps they all say to me. get a small job. sell something. goto school. sell your writings.

Honestly nothing of any interest comes from my writings except the pain and suffering from my suicidal diary.

If nothing special happens to me it'll just prove to me that I was worth nothing but a nuse to those whom abused me, and made a useless profit off my thoughts self choices, and life stories. Threats, and suffering, and I put it all aside for what? so walmart could tell me I'm worthless?

I'm fed up with this fight, but it's still here, and so-am I. As soon as I can I'm going to ask the state for more help. the car broke in less that 5months, and my meds, and doctors don't pay for themselves. I've been abusing my family when what I should have been doing was dying.

I tried; I did... It's hard not to hold yourself above full hanging when two people have your legs.

I'm fighting this depression with no meds, and nobody knows I'd do it again if that moment appeared again.

It's not the right time is all my Love says to me. Abused, and cuts, and she still won't find something else to love. Walmart is her master, and it's some kinda love for this crazy bunch of people that would call police on her for what they've done to her.

I hate the cruelty of life.